"William! Do you realize where that wretched machine has placed us? We are on the Titanic!! Oh, William, we’re doomed . . . doomed!"

"Dr. Smith, you’re always looking on the downside of things. [With boyish enthusiasm:] If we can get to Captain Smith and warn him about the iceberg, maybe we can keep the ship from sinking!"

[The Time Merchant is looking at this scene through his viewing screen:] "Tsk, tsk, tsk . . . what are these two trying to do now? I suppose I’ll have the father coming to save them again . . ."

[A loud bugle call is heard.]

"William! It is Sunday evening, and I hear the bugler calling us to the nightly repast.  Ahh, the British . . . I do love the fact that the British call people to the table as if it were a cavalry charge! How aggressively civilized of them! As you know, I deeply admire both civility and mild aggression."

"Dr. Smith, this is no time to think about eating! We must find Captain Smith!"

"My dear William, we must obey the supper call! What would your mother--that dear lady--think of me if I kept you from your supper? Besides, we will be able to find Captain Smith at his table in the first-class dining room."

"Well, all right . . . you go on ahead. I’m going to go to the Marconi shack to talk to the wireless operators. Maybe I can convince Jack Phillips to listen to that call from the Californian, and then the Titanic can be saved."

[The two part. Almost forgotten, the Robot announces:] "I will go with Will Robinson!"

"You will go scrub the poop deck, you nickel-plated nincompoop! Forward, march!"

"Dr. Smith, no!! Robot, why don’t you go up in the crow’s nest to watch for small ice and growlers?"

"Affirmative, Will Robinson!"

[Thus, the Robot climbs up to the Titanic’s crow’s nest -- a feat unimagined by Irwin Allen, Bob May, and legions of Lost in Space fans.]

[Dr. Smith, instead of going to the Captain’s table, approaches a table nearby at which are seated John Jacob Astor, his new young wife Madeleine, and the Countess of Rothes.]

"Mr. Astor . . . ladies . . . how wonderful it is to be dining with such fine people. I, Dr. Zachary Smith, am honored to be with you tonight. [In an aside:] Oh, I have finally attained the company for which I am naturally suited . . . so very different from that pedestrian Robinson family! Perhaps now I can return to traveling first cabin!"

[Time passes. Smith is fully enjoying his fare in the first-class dining room. In the Marconi shack, Will is getting the same kind of response he got when he returned to Earth in the first-season episode "Return from Outer Space": Like Davey Sims and his Aunt Clara, the wireless operators Jack Phillips and Harold Bride are incredulous when Will tells them that he is an intergalactic Earth traveler from the year 2000, and that the Titanic will sink if they don’t ensure that Captain Smith and J. Bruce Ismay take the wired ice warnings more seriously. Although frustrated, Will is fascinated with the antiquated communications system, and--allowing Will to send some of the wireless messages--Phillips and Bride are amazed at the way the young lad picks up skills quickly. (Ironically, Major Don West had commented to Judy Robinson about how archaic Marconi’s technology was in the third-season episode "Castles in Space.")]

[Meanwhile, the Robot--barely fitting--is standing in the crow’s nest with Frederick Fleet and Reginald Lee, on watch.]

"What are you, then? Some kind of a bloody metal scarecrow?"

"I am an environmental control robot!"

[to Lee] "Blimey, mate! With this contraption, it won’t bloody matter that they gave us no binoculars up ‘ere in the nest!"

[11:30 pm. Dr. Smith is ensconced in a luxurious bed in a first-class suite, which was offered to him by the new "buddy" he made at dinner, Mr. J. Bruce Ismay. Smith is just dropping off to sleep . . .]

"Oh, lovely, how lovely . . . a sumptuous meal . . . a wonderful, cozy bed with a 50-foot private promenade deck right outside . . . I’m sure William has found a place to sleep . . . perhaps in the forecastle or down in third-class . . . and as for that metallic meddler, I’ll attend to him later . . . ahhhh . . ." [snooze]

[11:40 pm: The Robot’s sensors discover the famous iceberg an entire minute before Frederick Fleet sees it.]

"WARNING! WARNING! ICEBERG DEAD AHEAD!"

"Bloody hell there is! Where do you see an iceberg? It’s as clear as crystal out -- there is no iceberg there!"

"DANGER! DANGER! ICEBERG DEAD AHEAD!"

"For the love of God, there it is . . . [calling down to the bridge:] Iceberg dead ahead, sir!!"

[First the seemingly interminable wait . . . then the slight scrape . . .]

[Smith, in his bed, is awakened by what he perceives to be a gentle nudge. He moves slightly, without opening his eyes:]

"Oh, go away, ninny . . . go away. Can’t you see that I’m sleeping?" [yawn]

[Despite his desire to drift back into slumber, Smith feels an odd perceptual jolt; suddenly, he opens his eyes. Instinctively, he shouts:] "I’m innocent!! I’m innocent!! [then, after a moment:] But why has the ship stopped?" [He puts a dressing gown on over his long nightshirt that was loaned to him by Mr. Ismay; he then secures his peaked, tasseled bedcap and goes on to the Boat Deck.]

[The Robot has climbed down from the crow’s nest and is standing on the Boat Deck, waving his arms furiously:]

"WARNING! WARNING! MY SENSORS TELL ME THAT THE TITANIC WILL SINK IN EXACTLY TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES!!"

[Captain Edward J. Smith, Thomas Andrews, Will Robinson, and Dr. Zachary Smith have gathered around the Robot.]

 "Two hours and forty minutes? How do you know this, sir? My calculations put it at more like an hour and a half!"

Captain Smith:

"Of course -- no panic."

[Smith unctuously steps in, wanting to impress Captain Smith:]

[to the Robot] "Stop that screeching at once, you lily-livered, lead-lined lummox!!"

"Mr. Lightoller, Mr. Murdoch, pull out the lifeboats and prepare to begin loading the women and children, when I give the word."

[Gulping, Smith realizes that history is occurring with no changes . . . he says, in an aside:]

"Now, let’s see . . . if I can convince Officer Lightoller or Officer Murdoch to allow me to get into a lifeboat, I will make it back to Earth . . . er, I mean, dry land! . . . Yes, Earth . . . home, sweet home . . . crêpes Suzette . . . pheasant under glass . . . oh joy, oh bliss!! . . . I will be very much ahead of my time. Imagine the inventions I can give the world! The greatest name of the 20th-century will be Dr. Zachary Smith!!"

[interrupting] "Dr. Smith, what are we going to do?"

"Should I head to the port or the starboard side? Eeenie, meenie, miny, moe . . . I’m the Tiger and . . . oh, let’s try Officer Murdoch’s post . . . Oh, Officer Murdoch!"

[Will and the Robot follow Smith, with Will shaking his head.]

"Now, then . . . I think I’ll just step into this lifeboat after my good friend, Mr. Ismay . . . yes, that’s it . . . Officer Murdoch seems not to mind . . . he’s letting other men go . . . [momentarily indignant:] And surely Zachary Smith must go! . . . William! Come here! And bring that silly goose with you!"